ISE

A wise person once said that the greatest thing a man can do with his life is to raise a family

That man clearly has never heard of an alcohol fuelled, sex themed, extreme sports party with cake!

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The above statement is not relevant to any of this post

The following post is not relevant to anything and should not be read.

If you read it you will be unfulfilled, feel let down and you will have a bitter taste in your mouth...similar to time spent with my shorty (rap speak for significant other)

I have recently purchased a 75L bag to take to America. It fits all my possession in...I think. It now means I am travelling around America in German tourist styleeee :)

Exams Blargh!!!!

I am wearing shorts...score

End

Not blogged or jogged in a while...

Holy Space Fudge Captain!

You know the old saying that you wait ages for a bus then no bus comes...and then its all raining and stuff and you get depressed and think about getting a taxi but then a lil sun appears and then TWO BUSES come at once!

Well finally after no end of moaning I finally found two people who will be forced into spending the summer with me, Woop Woop!

They are both going to Tel Noar and I couldnt be happier. I ended up thinking my camp was fabricated by the government to destroy my hopes of a great summer, but it turns out that wasnt true!!!

I am happier than an otter with pockets :)

Also I am spending the day in the library with two amazing girls (Kat and Sarah) who were going to be travelling to America but now that Sarah is doing the BVC (becoming a barrister) and Kat has an interview for a training contract and is doing the LPC next year (becoming a solicitor) they unfortunatley cant come. That is mucho Bullshat!

Oh and they say hi...

Ciao for now xxx

Regret? No way

Handing in my dissertation today. Thought I would post the acknowledgements section to see if anyone will get a kick out of it...

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank a lot of people who helped me get through this.

Id like thank my parents for putting up with me, my family for always being there, my lovely girlfriend who would let me stay at hers after late nights in the library.

To my friends for helping me forget about my worries long enough to have fun. Id also like to thank the worlds population of penguins for making the world an interesting place, without you the only other flightless bird I know is the chicken and lets face it, if its not part of a KFC meal or a nandos I don't ever want to see a chicken.

Id like to thank my testicles (Tony Stark and the green ranger) for not giving out on me even when better projects came along, thanks guys.

Id like to thank the various seats and tables that have supported me whilst I sat and rested on you, you may not have been the most comfortable or hygienic but you were always there for me when I needed to pass out from exhaustion. I'm pretty sure I should thank the holy Trinity, so thanks for all your help God...Jesus and guitar hero.

Id like thank certain words which were fun to say. So thank you zip, juggling, squash, flip flop and Kalamazoo for keeping my small brain entertained.

Also I want to say thank you to my lecturer Christine Thompson. It doesn't matter to me that you just turned 40 because you are still young at heart.

Also id like to give thanks to the great and powerful dictator Gor 'Don' Brown. All hail Brown, king of England.

Last but not least Id like to thank my looks and personality for getting me this far in life because my brain never really does anything constructive.

The end

That was a fun read wasnt it? lol

crying and stuff

The worrying has now set in. My work needs to get bound tomorrow and I have 3,000 words written in final draft, about 5,000 rough ones knocking around and about five words I want to say but Camp America will bleep them...but...what the hell

 f***  f***ety  f***  f***  q**********************************x?

I have never stressed properly about anything in my life being so laid back im almost horizontal but now I am getting affected. I have identified the ultimate form of stress relief though:

 Buy a helper monkey - He would be my butler. I will call him jeeves and he will bring me chocolate goodies and be smart enough to write my work for me. And to invent something I can take to dragons den and make lots of money with...something like pears made of bears...REAL BEAR!

Im being yelled at by my inner adult to do work now. So I am going to cry on to my kepyboard :'(

Have you got the BALLS?

It has not been the most interesting of weeks and the outlook for the following few days seems just as bleak. With the majority of university students having vacated lovely Coventry and the few remaining stuck revising and completing various assignments, the slow march towards April is proving tedious indeed.

Brightening up this week should take place in the form of the following.

Handing in my dissertation - When this occurs a huge weight shall be lifted from my shoulders and freedom shall be mine (albeit with exams looming freedom will be shortlived). The only part about my dissertation currently interesting me is the acknowledgements section. My lecturer unwisely told me I can thank who and what I want. I asked how generously this could be interpreted. She made the mistake of saying as wide as my imagination. This has led to the following

   I am going to thank my testicles

I dont know why I chose such an area other than the fact my lecturer said I would be able to get away with this, but I think the examiner will believe it was ballsy of me to give glowing praise to these two guys (The left one known as 'Tony Stark' and the right one as 'The green ranger')

Other than bouncing my proposal for such a testy subject this week I will be...

Engaging in an Aussie pasttime. I say an Aussie past time, I dont know whether it is but I will be Barbequeing and that!

I think it is an Aussie past time as I believe they invented the barbeque in 1996 when an Australian man was trying to invent a portable tanning booth/bug zapper....but realised that it charred the flesh so got angry and threw his pet dog on there, when he came back he realised the dog was cooked to perfection.

So yes barbeque....Im not great with them as I enjoy beef burgers and sausages and thats about it, kebabs, lamb or prawns make me gag. Well seafood in general does...as does fish. How will I survive at camp with such a tender stomach?!

Wow all this has made me hungry, hello a marmite sandwich (vegemite to most people on here)...maybe a packet of cheese and onion crisps? Why the hell not....Im going to push the boat out and even have some petit filous.

And thats how I became king of the world...the end...?

What did one snowman say to the other? Can you smell carrots

Now that there is semi regular sunshine appearing throughout the days I have realised a few things.

1) I am much happier when it is sunny. I didnt think it would make much of a difference as I am generally happy anyway but now it is reaching extremem levels. Bursting into song and doing small uncoordinated dances seem to be a symptom of this new found happiness, as well as a new found love of watching my koi fish swim in the pond (whilst being secretly jealous of them) and also watching my cat sunbathe, I would try to put glasses on her but she would probably attack them

2) America seems real. This may sound odd but the fact I am going to be spending summer in America with you calssy gals and gents always was a bit of a dream. Never did I feel like it would happen. As soon as the sun started giving me some nourishing rays though it just amde me think of long summer days siiting by a lake with lots of activities going on.

3) Ice Cream. It is now back on the menu! Dont get me wrong I have still tried a lil bit here and there through the winter (A lil bit of baked alaska Ben and Jerrys on weekends) but now it comes to the forefront to replace a major food group (Im guessing vegetables will lose this one)

As I am writing this I am sat near a window and cant help think about going to America....and also talking squirrels but I dont know why I am..other than I want one....failing that I will settle for a penguin that does kung fu

Aftermath and dissertation

By next Wednesday for better or for worse my dissertation on sport/criminal law will be finished and handed in. The reason I am looking forward to this is that it finally lets me get back to focusing on America based stuff. I currently am struggling for time, so I havent been able to go and get my new passport photos done for my new passport :( Then book my embassy appointment....go to America yadayada.

More exciting though is that High school musical night actually kicked ass with much in the way of syncronised dancing taking place thanks to the patience of the girls being able to teach us.

And I may put a few photos up but its probably easier to look at my facebook (They arent particularly flatering though lol)

Im drunk

help!

If you find me someone going to my camp I will make all your wildest dreams come true...FACT!

Passportastic

Exam is in one hour.

Absolutely doing my nut about this one.

I dont care if there is a demand for a bill of rights, I want the only right needed, the right to paaaaaaaartay lol

I technically cant get below a 2:2 but If I dont get any higher maybe I should try something easy such as shooting the wings off a fly with a shotgun.

Also got my passport forms through, I was so excited opening them that I may have gotten a little bit of marmite from my sandwich on to the forms. Im pretty sure that the government likes marmite though.

Alphabatising...this makes little sense

I have spent all morning reviewing American law schools instead of doing any revision for my 3rd year exams.

Also I made an alphabatised list of things in relation to camp this summer (wow I am procrastinating)

* Looking back at it, this list is absurd

A - America, because thats where I am going/want to live

B - Boston, this is where I intend to spend my time off

C - Camp Tel Noar, the best frickin camp ever lol

D - Drama, what I shall be doing all summer

E - EEEEE, Im walking here!

F - Fame, I would like to be famous briefly for something good over there

G - Growing, Im giong to turn 21 in America! Vegas hopefully!

H - Harvard, I want to have an explore round maybe talk to the admissions office lol

I - Ice cream, Ben and Jerrys ice cream factorium of delights to be more accurate

J - Judaism, im going to try to act Jewish but im not sure what that means yet (Seth Coheny?)

K - Krazy, you know...with a K so im like more krazy

L - Luke, thats my name and that

M - Meet up with my friends after we finish camp

N - NYC baby! I cant wait to go be a tourist here

O - OMG AMERICA!!!

P - Pizza pie!

Q - Queue?? Q again is hard to think of

R - Running, to be done daily with a side of jumping, shouting, laughing and custard

S - Smores, if I am at campthey must be made

T - Travelling, I want to hit up as many states and cool places as before starting my masters

U - University, hopefully they wont be mean and make me do retakes

V - Vermont, V is also hard to think of things

W - Where? Where are all the people going my camp :'(

X - Xtreme! yes thats right XTREME

Y - Y?! Because I gotta!

Z - Z, im going to need to catch some Z's often....that means sleep...

Teabagging

Dear Diary...

I do not want to do work. Blogging is a way of stopping me from doing anything productive.

SO I will just keep writing rubbish

Once I swallowed a whole lolly...stick and all

Brownies

Long story short I am suffering from a severe lack of sleep. I stayed up all night catching up on television that has been missed due to studying. I dont regret my decision to avidly watch heroes Vol4 or 24 season 7 but now I feel like I may collapse.

On the camp front there are now 4 of us going to the Aston orientation on the 18th, is anyone else going then?

Also I am desperate to find someone going to my camp... Tel Noar in New Hampshire ... So if you see someone going there grab them by the toes and send them in my direction

Yes I am eating brownies...hence the title

How many blogs in a day?!

• 1 in 10 people today are stalkers, they may or may not realise it. If you and 9 friends get together in a room then congratulations you are all stalkers as you are all following a vague suggestion from me...someone on the internet
• Stalkers are not always weird looking old men who smell like the sea...most are usually your age so take advantage...the only time to worry is when you feel they wish to wear your skin
• If you wish to let someone know you fancy them, stalking is a great way to achieve this...all you need to do to make the person love you is 1) Ring their home and mobile number and hang up 2) Defecate in a bag and throw it at their bedroom window and most importantly 3) Build a shrine to them in your bedroom and pray to it 3 times a day

Hi America...I know we havent spoken in a while but can you loan me $20

When people need things in life, they will, if unable to accomplish these things themselves, turn to someone close to them and see if they can provide for them.

They may have a tough time doing this...Yes well I have one up on them...I need a Country to be nice to me and cut me some slack.

Allow me to elaborate. I am not a clumsy person. I am not a forgetful person. I am not the sort of person who is childish and bases his life on whimsical ideas and pot luck. I am all these things with a lottle bit of sugar added.

It is all of these which have contributed to my current debaucle.

I love acting, It allows me to be loud and have people pay attention to me...two things I love. At sometime, in someplace near somewhere I was touring a play. After the show had ended I noticed that nearby was a park and yes, it had a playground. I decided to meander over and sample the kiddie delights within (This is in reference to the swings and roundaouts, lets not create another issue)

After some hard play I hopped back on the tour bus and had a deserved nap...unbeknownst to me that my wallet had left my person at some point. I lost the typical things within that wallet, a few pound coins, a condom, student ID and provisional drivers licence. These things didnt bother me. Only losing my discount cards did ;(

However I soon realised the importance of my provisional licence as it was my ID that proved I wasnt as young as I acted to the various clubs etc

So rather than wait a little while I began using my passport for ID 

I didnt realise he was not ready for the job my drivers licence had handled with consumate ease.

He could not be removed easily from my wallet, remain unhurt after a super spin wash, he couldnt handle VK, or WKD or other generic fruit based girly drinks.

All this made him very old ,very fast. He became wrinkly, smelly, a burden on society and didnt like the youth of today...like a real old person.

I personally had no problem with this but I soon came to realise...Mr America will!

He wont give me a Visa if George England (my passports name) is in such a state. It would be a huge favour from them to let me in but I doubt they will.

So I have had to cancel my J-Day until I accomplish the following

1) Get new passport

2) Eat an Easteregg

*Sigh* Why is it so hard to get into America? My grandad had it easy becoming a citizen here! All he did was join the British navy in WWII, get sunk twice, have both of his arms broken and marry my rather rotund grandmother!! He didnt have to do any paperwork!

Sushi pondering 'naughty words are used'

9am starts, not the best way to begin a Monday mrning wouldn't you agree?

Especially when it involves lectures (Equity and Trusts in case anyone is interested).

Today was special though as it was my last lecture for this module. So to celebrate the end of this 7month relationship me and my friends had a post coital lunch in Birmingham. This involved a very appetising hot dog, a tantalising portion of noodles and a very suspect smoked salmon piece wrapped in seaweed which made me gag.

But I digress...

The reason I am writing this is that I spent the day with 3 of my friends who are all on my law course and all of which are at various points in the camp america programme.

During our trip one of our number recieved a text from the college of law accepting her on to the Bar vocational course.

This was a cause for celebration but then I realised at the end of this academic year we will barely see each other again.

One friend will be leaving us for the BVC in London which will entail law most obviously the  vices you partake in to forget that you do law with lots of crazy consequences.

One will begin a career in  project management. (I have no idea what this involves but im sure it will involve planning parties...with crazy consequences)

Another will begin a year where he will try to find himself and his purpose in life...or as I call it, drink fuelled year out before deciding on a career.

And then I pondered what I will be doing. Masters in Law followed hopefully by attending a law school in the states and racking up so much debt to make Northern Rock blush.

It made me sad to be honest as It is starting to hit me that I will be giving up such wonderful people to the big wide world.

Conversely we will all be going to America and speding some good times bumming around the states afterwards and we will do things that will definatley have crazy consequenes.

So bad times and good times

I believe the morale of the story here is that when life gives you lemons, you make cranberry and vodka; and then when people ask you 'how did you do that?' you kick them square in the face and say 'Get off my Fucking cocktail'

Schmuck

Whilst watching sex and the city yesterday...yes thats right...I started to think about my camp. Maybe I should elaborate:

In sex and the city, one of the main characters Charlotte becomes enthralled by a Jewish lawyer named Harry. To cut this long story short Charlotte converts to Judaism to be with him

This (apart from making very good television) made me think I know very little about Jewish culture and for someone going to a Jewish camp I realised this could be quite a faux pas.

I have since tried to remedy this.

I quizzed a Jewish friend of mine who dispelled all the nerves I was suffering from.

Thats it so far lol (Except maybe a few google searches)

If anyone out there is going to a Jewish camp (be you Jew or non-Jew) I would love to hear how you are feeling about things :)

Luke. Out

Police Saga